Mary Patterson

Is there any such thing as a well-behaved child

2010-11-17T16:37:00.000-05:00

The Well Behaved Child by John Rosemond is, a parenting book that encourages parents to throw out the psychobabble and return to the authoritarian style of traditional parenting.

Rosemond asserts that children are bad. He outlines seven fundamentals of effective discipline. In the Agony Principle, parents should not agonize over the children’s failures, the child should agonize. Making an offer a child can’t refuse is the Godfather Principle.

Rosemond provides tools such as charts and tickets to implement the principles. There are parent accounts in the book, which are subjective testimonials about the successful implementation of the methods. Rosemond is engaging and opinionated. Rosemond’s views on prescription medication for children is controversial. The book addressing getting a child to do homework, potty training, tantrums, and much more.

As the mother of two sons, ages seven and three, I began to implement some of the methods with success. Specifically, going to bed early seems to be the worse threat you can make to a child.

Regardless of whether you agree with Rosemond about medication, the premise of this book makes it well worth the time spent reading it. I would highly recommend the book for anyone who wants to tweak their parenting skills or add a few new tactics to their arsenal.

FEARLESS REVIEW

2009-09-25T10:49:00.002-04:00

Max Lucado’s Fearless gently prods readers to live a life where your visceral reaction to life’s challenges is faith, not fear. Lucado is not dismissive about the role fear plays in our lives but rather, puts fear in proper perspecctive and equips readers to move beyond fear. Lucado offers wisdom for dealing with common fears such as not mattering, disappointing God, something happening to your children, violence, calamity, and lack. Max Lucado’s conversational style of writing makes it seem that he is personally walking you through each chapter of the book. He introduces the book with the chapter “Why Are We Afraid?” The book ends with a discussion guide that makes Fearless easy to incorporate into small groups.

In the pages between the introduction and discussion guide, Lucado skillfully uses examples from the lives of ordinary people such as his prison pen pal to extraordinary people like David Robinson of the San Antonio Spurs to Biblical people such as Jairus. The variety of people used as examples provides experiences nearly every reader can relate to. Fearless conveyed Biblical truth in a way that is accessible, comforting, and motivating. The book discusses more than fear, but also trust. Lucado urges readers to “Trust him, not stuff.” This particular message is timely during a time when people are facing losing their “stuff” through foreclosures and reposessions. Lucado states in Fearless “Fear may fill our world, but it doesn’t have to fill our hearts.” I would recommend this book. While your life may not be devoid of fear, the book can help you to fear, LESS.

Knockout Entrepreneur

2009-09-22T13:01:00.002-04:00

Flip over a copy of George Foreman’s Knockout Entrepreneur and you will notice in bold letters the following declaration: “Champions in business are not born. They are made.” The back cover states that “Foreman equips you with principles and strategies to help you come out swinging…” The chapters titles read like a boxing manual with names like “Listen to Your Corner” and “Never Listen to the Crowd.” This book was a quick, easy read written in an avuncular tone that makes you envision Foreman’s endearing grin. Foreman uses examples from his own boxing career and well as other entrepreneurs and celebrities, such as Paula Deen.

While the book does include the promised principles and strategies, I think the biggest thing the book accomplishes is to inspire and motivate people, not just entrepreneurs. With quotes such as “Today, I may die, but I must get up. I never again want to live with the knowledge that I could have gotten up and didn’t,” readers walk through the valley of determination that will energize the entrepreneurial spirit. While the Biblical message is subtle, it is clear and successfully communicates how Foreman applied his Christian faith to the ring, his family, and the boardroom. Foreman lists four winning qualities: honesty, enthusiasm, confidence, and courage. He has these qualities in spades and the “Knockout Ideas to Stimulate Your Success” asks the thought-provoking questions to spur readers on to the next step.

This book is not a how-to book for aspiring entrepreneurs. Rather, this book is a what-to book that will help you sharpen your skills and keep you motivated. What-to do such as the familiar dress for success advice He also discusses the toughest steps to success as well as his own personal failures and shortcomings. Foreman said, “If I could give you one piece of advice that would make you more successful, I’d say read.” I’ll end this review echoing his advice but adding this: read Knockout Entrepreneur.

Lights out

2009-09-21T10:27:00.003-04:00

Today was independence day for my five year old. Independence Day is when all the kindergarteners must walk into school by themselves instead of being escorted by a parent. As I pulled into the “kiss and go” line, PJ, my doppelganger son, said he didn’t want to do it. I told him he had to. So I gave him the requisite morning breath mint that he demands each morning, hugged him, and off he went. He looked back at me several times. It was the saddest little face I have ever seen. For some reason, it made me go back to 1984.

Mom and I were living in Phoenix, grandma was living in NY. My mother was notified that Grandma had a stroke. My mother worked as a domestic and she did the best she could. We didn’t have a phone. I remember we walked to make the collect call to Uncle KD and he delivered the news to Mom. She had been deathly afraid to fly but she bought a plane ticket for herself, left me in the care of my cousin Bobby, and she went to NY. Things would never be the same after that trip.

When she returned, she couldn’t catch up on her bills because she used the bill money for the plane ticket. We moved in with Bobby. I remember some hippy-types next door and their electricity was turned off so Bobby shared his electricity with them. Then Bobby’s was turned off and they shared with us. Mom never recovered financially. I remembered playing Prince’s “Last night, I spent another lonely, lonely Christmas” to get me through the holidays. Shortly after, Grandma died.

We went to NY for what was supposed to be the funeral, supposed to be temporary. We never returned. Three months after Grandma died, I found myself in Farmville, NC hating life. Twenty-four years later, I’m still in NC, but now in Greenville. My mother is not the same since Grandma died. Gone is her fear of flying because she said the worst thing that could possibly happen to her, the loss of her beloved mother, had already happened. When I look back at that time I imagine that my face looked just like PJ’s forlorn face this morning.

I have a soft spot for hippies and outcasts and for people who are so poor that they have to “share” electricity. God bless us all.

Peace, be multiplied…

From Faith to Food

2009-09-11T21:02:00.000-04:00

OK so this is a radical change of pace. I have wanted to blog about it ever since I left the Tarheel state but since the birthday girls is a Facebook friend, I was afraid she would see it and be tipped off. This weekend is my Aunt Mary's 60th birthday. I am her namesake. Aunt Mary lives in the big apple but her daughter Sandy decided to throw her a surprise birthday party in Hotlanta because her sister, my Aunt Bertha, has become a Georgia Peach.

Anyway, after staying at two wonderful hotels - yes, I stopped in Columbia, SC and stayed at the Holiday Inn Express at Exit 80, it was wonderful! Hotel #2's concierge in Atl recommended a restaurant called Dreamland. This particular restaurant had been featured on the Food Network and serves the type of foods that keeps the people in the dirty south voluptuous, to put it mildly. So, if you are ever in Atlanta and not watching your caloric intake, Dreamland is a must-eat.

I'll be back to applying the concepts from Fearless to my life when I return home with my two busy boys.

In what we Trust?

2009-09-09T09:46:00.000-04:00

I am a new Thomas Nelson Book Review Blogger. I have been preparing for my review of Max Lucado’s Fearless, which is great because I am such a huge Max Lucado fan. But yes, I can be an objective reviewer. There it was over and over again as I made notes for my review. Trust Him. Trust God. Trust Christ. I have been examining my fears but realize greater thought should be given to trust. Some people trust money. Other people rely on their intellect. Most people trust what is tangible. All of the people in Max’s book had fear but were victorius because they knew what to do with their fear. It’s not about what you are afraid of. It is about who you trust.

All for Naught

2009-09-08T08:37:00.000-04:00

So they arrived and returned safely without me having to be there to boss my husband’s driving. And no, not one phone call to let me know they got there safely. All of my requests were not honored. They all claimed they forgot but I think they were probably having too much fun. They went to see their beloved Pop-pop and then went out for pizza. Someone defined fear with the acronym false experiences appearing real. That sums up my worries.

I think that if I got nothing else from Max Lucado’s book is to fear less and to trust more. Easier said than done but the battle begins with the mind. In Max Lucado’s “In the Eye of the Storm,” he said to pray twice as much as you fret and that when you can’t trace God’s hand, trust his heart. As I look at Fearless, I think that beyond truly trusting, I must become a master of casting my cares or throwing them on God instead of worrying.

Fear less

Trust more

Pray more

Too Long

2009-09-05T17:17:00.005-04:00

I am embarrassed at how long it has been since I have posted to this blog. Life was crazy and busy at the same time. Max Lucado forced me to post. Well, not him personally but his book, "Fearless." One chapter is called "My Child is In Danger" and I realized how guilty I was of that fear. My husband said he was going to take my two sons to see his ailing father. Somehow, the 45 minute drive seemed wrought with drunk drivers, my husband's perceived careless driving that needed my wise intervention (yeah, right) and other dangers. I demanded that my husband call me when he got there. Then ordered my five year old to make sure Daddy calls when he got there. Then told my two year old to make sure Daddy calls when he gets there. I hugged them like they were leaving for Iraq. My heart began to palpitate and realized that I was gripped in fear. Then I recalled how this entire week, month, really if I am honest I feared losing my job because of announcements of a merger and possible reduction in force. I could catalog the fears like a Monk episode: needles, bugs, spiders, anything crawling that I didn't give birth to, etc. Lions, tigers, and bears, oh my! I will be posting a review in the future, as soon as I finish the book. In the interim, the book is worth checking out and the blog is worth checking back in to see whether it made a difference in my life.

My week

2008-12-19T10:46:00.001-05:00

My mother had another car accident. That’s two in one month.

My 5-year old had six fillings.

My baby was diagnosed with leg length discrepancy.

My father-in-law is admitted to the hospital.

My job laid off roughly 10% of staff.

I struggle with sickness and fatigue.

$1700 out of pocket.

I’m drained.

My wallet is drained.

Isaiah 41:10 says “I will strengthen you and help you…”, well, it is that strength I will need and the generosity of people to meet my goal for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society and to get me through this time.

2008-11-20T11:04:00.001-05:00

It’s been a long while

I shouldna left you

Without a dope blog

To step to, to step to

Okay so it doesn’t quite sound the same as the original but the point is still the same. I have been so busy but now have a brief moment to breath. In…out…

Breathing over, time to work on the fundraiser. I will be hosting PJ’s Polar Express Party to raise funds for LLS.

I’m in a tense moment because it looks like they will be scheduling my mother’s surgery close to if not during the marathon week.

Barack Obama – please do something about the uninsured and about health care!!! Fix it please.

Love and peace from a woman who is not city slick nor country greasy,

MVP

Behind

2008-10-16T10:52:00.000-04:00

I am now officially behind in my training. Everytime I saw my coach, she said I was to do eight miles. I’ve been doing eight miles for a month now. I thought it was some new technique. It turns out, we should have built up to twelve miles at this point. I’m scared and I don’t know what to do. And I’m behind on my fundraising.

All I can do is keep moving forward. The mission is so important. I don’t have time to be discouraged.

Tired celebrity

2008-10-02T10:24:00.001-04:00

I’m jealous that Sandy’s team trains together for cross-training. We have to do our assigned cross-training on our own. We’re up to ten miles this week and for the first time, I’m scared. Seven miles and eight miles were difficult. I missed nine miles because of the fundraiser. Can I jump from 8 to 10? I guess I’ll just have to. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me – that is what I will be telling myself every step of the way. To add to that, everyone is recognizing me from the newspaper article and I have to tell my story and do speaking engagements but so far, it hasn’t resulted in more donations. I need to meet my fundraising goal. Oh, and I’m also jealous of Sandy’s super great pictures which were probably taken with her super expensive fancy camera. Even if it was taken with a cheap point and shoot, all her pics are golden to me.

So true

2008-09-22T08:35:00.001-04:00

Thought for the day courtesy of Dr. Hamilton, who I saw at the gym this morning, “YOU’VE GOT TO SWEAT LIKE A PIG TO LOOK LIKE A FOX!”

Budding Picasos and Monets?

2008-09-16T10:55:00.001-04:00

I have the following quote as the close to all of my emails “Every job is a self-portrait of the person who did it. Autograph your work with excellence.” It’s a nice phrase, but do we really? And if we do, does it apply only to our “day job” or does it extend to our homes? Our churches? Our parenting? Does it sometimes seem like we give our all to our employers and then settle for second best in our lives? We go to work sick but stay home from church if we are sick. We’ll let the house stay in disarray but make sure our office is clean. As we fulfill our purpose and see each person, each entry in our schedule as a divine opportunity to minister, we need to consider the portrait we are painting.

Turned

2008-09-11T09:24:00.000-04:00

Like a vampire, my oldest son PJ has turned…expensive. When I asked what he wanted for his fifth birthday, he said a speed racer car. OK, not so bad. What about his party though? He chose a place that I will rename the Leapin Primate to avoid liability. It is a place that has a bunch of various inflatables, costumes, etc. and very expensive. Gone are the days of having cake at home. At least he is not too selfish…he’s been telling everyone he knows about his involvement with the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. He also has been using his Sunday school lessons to encourage anyone who has a problem to pray. But Leapin Primates in this economic environment? We’ll see if I can make it work.

Post-Birthday

2008-09-09T14:24:00.001-04:00

Sandy just sent me pics from my birthday. It made me sort of sad because I miss her and Vaughn so much. She should leave NY and I should leave NC and we should live halfway – DC. Unfortunately neither my husband nor her boyfriend are having it. http://sandyjenetephotography.blogspot.com/ Anyway the pics are great.

I did a presentation this week about potty mouths and communication. The same person who is saying poopy head as a child becomes a grown man saying the word shirt without the r in it. The s word in my family is shut up or stupid. The f word is fat. I thought about all these words that we don’t want a child to repeat and yet you hear them all over the tv and in life. We need to be cautious in our communications because you can’t really take words back.

Anyway, the so-called hurricane didn’t do too much down here except derail my training schedule. I still haven’t gotten my 5miler in. I did do 3.25 this morning on the treadmill which is very different from running in the community. I may do more after work. Fundraising is tough and is going more slowly than I would like. The fundraising is actually scarier than the thought of 26.2 miles.

WADE IN THE WATER

2008-09-05T16:55:00.000-04:00

So Hurricane Hannah is hitting the east coast and I have to leave in rain and high winds. Hurricanes make me nervous since I was locked in place by flooding during Hurricane Floyd. Oh well, time to wade in the water. My run tomorrow has been cancelled, which is a bummer. PJ is unlikely to sleep on his own since storms scare him. Worse yet, my husband is working night shift so I’ll have to be brave all by myself. Anyway, the adventure begins…

What would you do for Diddy?

2008-09-04T08:42:00.000-04:00

I have been watching the tv show “I Want to Work for Diddy.” The show is similar to “The Apprentice” with more of a vibe where James Bond meets hip-hop. On a recent episode, contestants were challenged to create a viral video with the theme “What would you do for Diddy?” Men got waxed, women plucked out their eyelashes and snorted Vodka up their noses. People on the street danced and allowed themselves to be written on.

It made me think of how we complain about what we do for God and place limitations on our involvement. If were asked to do any of those things in the name of Jesus, we would find it demeaning, beneath us somehow. Isaiah 58:10 says “If you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like noonday.” While we all have to rest and recharge, it is clear that our greatest investment is in each other.

Spend freely

Spend generously

Spend often

Spend yourself as if you were making the “What Would You Do For God?” viral video.

Equipped and ready to go

2008-09-03T08:58:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I went shoe shopping for myself and Mom. We ended up with great pairs of Brooks, which made all the difference in the world. Mom is a sort of Martha Stewart perfectionist and gave the sales clerk a hard time that the shoes were men’s shoes because they didn’t have her size in women’s. These shoes were so comfortable and I actually ran faster this morning, which was great. I also bought both of my sons a couple of pair of shoes but not for running, just for back to school and church.

Speaking of church, PJ attends a Christian pre-school. At this school, they do church on Wednesdays and the kids run the aspects of the service except the sermon, which is done by the youth pastor. Today, PJ’s the pseudo chaplain – he gets to lead the prayer and is very excited about it. Last night, when I was talking about a situation, he told me to pray about it and that God would help me. Wisdom from the mouths of babes.

Isaiah 49:16 says “I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.” My mental image of this is tattoos. We are permanently inked on God’s hands and He doesn’t erase us or get it lasered off when we make mistakes. What are we that He is so mindful of us? Thank God that for His love, grace, and mercy.

Peace be multiplied,

Mary - NC

What to do when Mars attacks

2008-09-02T10:05:00.001-04:00

Have you ever seen the movie “Mars Attacks?” Those cute little clever aliens were vicious. I thinks Mars attacks all of us. My acronym for Mars is:

MALEVOLENT

ANNOYING

RACOUS

SITUATIONS

When the Martians attack, they tell you, “I come in peace,” but then they shoot you. The Martians maybe cute but they are liars. What situations in your life seem to be the answer but rob you of your peace? The people in Mars Attacks welcomed the Martians the same way we invite things into our lives that aren’t good for us. The Martians in the movie loved to party and the only way to kill them was to play the time of music that made their heads throb and got all in their head. Likewise, you should respond by filling your mind and your atmosphere with words and rhythms that inspire you. Those lying Martians can’t stand it. Tom Jones emerges as a Christ-like character in the end. But you don’t need a Christ-like character when you have the real thing, a Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6). So when Mars attacks, don’t let them rob you of your peace, rock their world.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

Another busy Sunday

2008-08-31T19:42:00.003-04:00

So it is another busy Sunday but I decided to take a moment out to write. In the words of the old Negro Spiritual "It's another day's journey and I'm glad." PJ (the four year old) is beside me distracting me so if you suddenly see gibberish on the screen, chalk it up to a preschooler. I try to read my fellow life purpose coach blogs and websites fairly regularly and I am so proud of the work these ladies are doing, particularly my instructor, Kelly Thorne www.ibloom.us and also a wonderful Canadian, Rosalie Garde. http://ministrytowomenlpc.blogspot.com.

My son keeps doing things that he is not supposed to do and when asked why, invariably answers, "I don't know." And we do the same things whether it is about our wellness, habits, or other areas of our lives. Like little PJ, our answers may range from pleading ignorance or go from the ridiculous to the sublime. I always tell PJ that "I don't know is not an acceptable answer for our own personal behavior." What if we held ourselves to that same standard?

The boys

2008-08-29T09:05:00.000-04:00

Here are the boys that keep things going. These pictures are over 8 months old now so you’ll have to view my cousin’s blog to see the most recent pics that she took while she was in NC. One picture was taken with my mother spoiling them. The second picture was on Christmas day. These boys make me laugh, cry, run, jump.

<<Nana's boys.jpg>> <<christmas.jpg>>

That time of the month

2008-08-29T08:58:00.002-04:00

Well, it’s that time of the month. Not for PMS or anything hormonal. The close of the month is invariably hectic for me on my job and it seems like my personal life follows suit, too. For my friends that don’t work, they just don’t get it. They call me at work like I have time to talk. They call me at home and my children are swinging from chandeliers (not really, I don’t have any chandeliers but you get the picture). Why aren’t they working? No they aren’t injured and they aren’t on maternity leave. They don’t have children and are not stay-at-home Moms. I actually don’t understand the rationale, but there are actually people who lay out while they pursue their dream and they hustle and nickel and dime but yet they are in their forties and no closer to their dream. We all have dreams. Most of us work the proverbial day job until the dream becomes a reality.

But I digress. I am supposed to be living life on purpose but lately I have let the activities of life drive me to distraction. I have surrendered to the madness of this flurry of activity instead of submitting my schedule to God. I am mindful of Psalm 32: 8 “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.” If I follow Jesus’ model, he made time to rest, time to fellowship, and time to minister. Side journeys did not throw him off course. He lived his life on purpose.

That time of the month is not an excuse.

Life…on purpose.

Dare I?

Will you?

Rush

2008-08-28T14:44:00.003-04:00

Rush, rush, hurry, hurry might be the lyrics to a Paula Abdul song but today it must be my life’s anthem. Today, I missed my workout because I had to take my one year son to the doctor post-haste to make sure he was current on his immunizations so he could get into a toddler school program. Then, I rushed to work. My co-worker, who in addition to her Fleet Management duties was an aerobic instructor died of a massive heart attack and her funeral is today. But, of course her funeral is the same time as my older son’s pre-school orientation. Then, this also conflicts with the wellness class I teach Thursday nights at church, so I had to cancel it. Everything is such a rush for me.

Labor Day is approaching and I’m glad for a day from work…or should I say, my day job. Because I plan to use that day to catch up on my fundraising for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society’s team-in-training (I’m training for the Walt Disney World marathon) and for everything else I am so behind on. I’ve always heard the expression “no rest for the weary.” I’m beginning to wonder if the expression is really as my co-worker states “No rest for the wicked!” Have I done something to deserve this?

Here I am with my honored teammate, Harry Rogers. My whole family has gotten into this. My 62 year old mother is running. My cousin Sandy, the world’s greatest photographer http://www.sandyjenetephotography.blogspot.com/ is running with her mother and her son, who will be a junior this year. My sons will be doing the diaper dash and toddler trot. We have started a blog about the three generations of us running. http://3generationsrunning.blogspot.com/ . If you want to give, my Team in Training website is http://pages.teamintraining.org/nce/wdw09/mpattermy6

<<000_1990.jpg>>

Oh well, I know everyone, especially the parents of tots are equally stretched out, so in the words of my pastor, “Stop Complaining!” (www.cmbchurch.com) In two years time, I’ve watched three seemingly healthy and young co-workers die suddenly, unexpectedly, with no previous illness. You just can’t take anything, anyone, any day for granted. I just need to keep in mind Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, …plans to give you hope and a future…” Vs. 13 says You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” It seems that you have to make time to do the seeking. There is purpose behind everything going on. But you can’t see your purpose if you get so caught up in the busyness of life.